7 days of stress...

So, Thursday I realized some things:

1. It was already the first late day to take my stats test and not only had I not studied, but I had missed a lot of class (which explains why the test was such a surprise)
2. I have a research paper due in a week for D&C
3. I have Film History midterm in a week that consists of one-page essay questions
4. My second-block class started that night
5. I forgot to do my accounting lesson/quiz
6. I was called in to work for lighting this weekend
7. I am teaching/co-teaching 5 or 6 multimedia classes next week for work
8. I think I'm starting to get a cold

These realizations caused me to get very stressed out in a really short time. It was like I was floating along with plenty of time to manage everything and I was whacked with a stick and all the sudden there is no time to sleep.

I stayed up until the early hours of the morning to study for my test. I got a 96, which I am certainly happy with considering how much class I missed and I learned all the material in a late-night cram session.

So, now I am dead tired. I like sunglasses mostly because they can hide the fact that I really look like a zombie. But tonight I am going to this thing (I don't know what else to call it) where there will be a gathering of directors/produces/actors/etc from California and I can't wear sunglasses. I'll just have to be "tall zombie-boy" for the night i guess.

Fall

I loved walking home from school today. I love the first time it gets windy in the fall because you get to walk through spirals of leaves blowing around you and hear the crunch sound under your feet as you step on them. There was this picturesque tree on a grassy hill as the sun was getting lower in the sky that I really wanted to take a picture of. Maybe later this week.

Anyway, I really love fall. I love Halloween. It is just sad that it happens so fast. You wake up one morning and all the leaves have changed color. I wish there was a way to slow it down.

Insominia and The Wall

So, lately I have been suffering from insomnia. Well, I think it's insomnia anyway. When I want to go to sleep, I can't. I usually don't sleep until 2 or 3 am even if I try to go to bed between 10 and 12. I wake up at 9 every day. It is a little hard getting up, but other than that, I'm fine. I've always been the type that needs 8 hours of sleep every night. Now I seem to work just fine on 6 or 7 hours. I wonder if it has anything to do with the exercise habits I have formed. I would think it would drain me of energy when the day is through.

Today I backed my car into a wall in the parking garage. I'm so stupid. I wasn't paying attention. The thing is not even 2 months old yet! It isn't dented... mostly just scratched paint, but still. It will cost a lot to fix and I refuse to just let it go. If it was an old car, fine- whatever. But it's new and I will have it for a long time. So there goes money I don't have. :( I'm actually pretty okay with it. I thought that if I did something like that I'd be devastated. It is just a car after all. But it happened during the "new toy" phase. You know the one. After you get a present for Christmas it is hard to let other kids play with it because it is new and fun. Maybe I'm being taught a lesson by the man upstairs.

I think I am becoming increasingly more focused on obtaining "things" in this life. It isn't good. I turn to temporal objects to make me happy rather than to the real source of happiness. It's funny because my friend Michelle was so happy today. She was happy because she knew the gospel was true and that she had it. It was this unexplainable happiness. Then here I was- about to let a few little scratches on my bumper ruin my day or week(s). My priorities are all wrong.

I am so glad I attend BYU. If I were anywhere else for college, I think I'd be lost. At least here I am constantly reminded by people around me how I should act, think. I am taught it by professors. I find myself resisting it often times. I hear it, or witness it- but I don't let it affect me really. On the surface it is good, but I'm kind of hardened against letting it change me.

When I was younger I used to think perfectionism was a good thing to be plauged with. Since then, I have learned that it really isn't good. When I do something- it has to be to perfection. My things have to be perfect. That seems okay... but then if something is imperfect, it's a reject. Problem is, I'm not perfect. I can't live up to this perfection that I seem to place so much importance on. Sometimes this causes me to give up on myself- which isn't good.

Anyway, I have so much to learn and change. It is so hard for me to do though. It is hard for me to change. I suppose I am not humble enough. Maybe this is what God was trying to teach me through this tiny trial. Writing this post has actually helped me learn a lot. Of what importance is a car? It could be wrecked tomorrow. Eventually it will not be operational. When I die, it will be the last thing on my mind. It will not go with me into the eternal worlds. It is an insignificant object that is meaningless in the eternities. Why am I so stuck on these temporal things? How frustrating. My priorities are wrong.

TV and Toilet Newspapers

So I feel the need to discuss two things I really don't like. First, since this is the subject bothering me at the moment, is TV. I'm not a fan. I don't understand how people can sit in front of it all day. I have really cool roommates, but there is one who really likes TV. He'll have the TV on and a laptop in his lap, maybe food next to him. The blinds are shut, and so is the living room it seems like.

Anyway, it isn't that I don't like some shows on TV (I normally watch those online), but I don't understand when it just has to be on. Even when there is nothing in particular you want to watch. Most of my college life, there hasn't been a TV in the apartment. I always like it better that way. I stopped watching TV in high school. It just doesn't appeal to me. I am more of a movie person. I'd also rather be out doing things with people rather than watching TV.

Now, something I really don't understand is when people take a newspaper with them into the bathroom. GROSS! I hate when I am in a public restroom and I hear the ruffle of newspaper in one of the stalls. Or, when entering a stall there is a newspaper on the toilet- SICK! I used to think that was only in cartoons. I'm not sure you are healthy if you have time to read a newspaper while going to the bathroom. It really shouldn't take that much time. I feel like the people who do this are the same ones that enjoy sitting in front of a TV all day with take-out in their laps.

I just saw WALL-E and the fat people floating around on their personal entertainment rafts were so disgusting (and funny). I wonder if there are people that saw that and thought, "cool! that would be so awesome!"

Update/Political Opinion

Update

This last week has been one of the most demanding in my college career. Midterms, overtime at work, and general conference pretty much filled every little bit of time I had. I just finished the last midterm (for now) and did not do as well as I hoped. I studied more for this test than I ever remember studying on any test before. I lost sleep and skipped classes to study for this. I got an 82% which isn't good enough for the amount of effort I put in, nor is it bad enough for me to loose any more sleep over. I'm just glad its over.

On a happier note, I found out that my ward's Halloween activity will be on the 25th! Why is that good news you ask? Because that means dressing up on the 25th, the 30th (I'm going to a event with a bunch of film people where we will view "scary" movies that we make), and the 31st. Normally you put money and time into a costume only to wear it once.

Presidential Race

On a less happy note, the more I watch of the presidential race, the more dirty it seems. I feel like the candidates (and vps) spend most their time trying to smear their opponent rather than presenting credible reasons why they should have my vote. It is like a popularity contest where the opponents are just trying to ruin each other's social standing. Are we in high school? You know, at first- I was impressed with Palin and liked her raw character, but the more I see of her, the less impressed I am. I'm tired of hearing "Maverick" and "Outsider" and "Track Record." It was acceptable and inspiring when she was first chosen as McCain's running mate, but now it seems naive. I think she needs to stop leaning on this idealistic dream and start basing her remarks on real and effective plans and strategies. I still disagree too much with some of Obama's agenda for McCain to loose my vote at this point, but I sure wish there was a better choice.

The Bailout

My accounting teacher kind of opened my eyes to the bailout that has been the subject of the news lately. First, he brought up the accounting equation Assets = Liability + Owners Equity. If we are missing a trillion dollars (cash is an asset), then that has to be reflected on the other side of the equation. I won't bore you with details, but basically what I am saying is- the money didn't just disappear. It went somewhere. Now... have the president or the presidential nominees really explained what happened here? No. I have heard a lot about greedy CEOs and stuff, but come on. A trillion dollars? You don't think someone would notice if a handful of people were pocketing that amount of cash? That is not the answer. I was actually please with Palin for at least mentioning the real cause of this crisis in her debate with Biden. Yes, she did cite the preditors who loaned unqualified people sums of money... but she at least brought up the real problem.

Our society has a growing problem of dodging responsibility. Parents increasingly want schools to raise their children. Americans always want someone to blame for thier problems. We are ever the victim. Well, the real reason for the current financial crisis the the U.S. (and therefore the world) now faces is not the greedy elite. It is primarily the direct result of the common greedy American. Where did that money go? Into our pockets. Americans have borrowed against their mortgages and taken out loans so they can live a lifestyle beyond their means. We as Americans need to learn to live within our means! The church has been teaching this for decades!

Okay, so what. We've fled responsibility for our actions and call on government to fix it all with this bailout. Well, everything we do has consequences. What are these consequences?

1. We are surrendeering our freedom to the government
2. The rest of the world is paying for our exravagence

We are allowing government to take more control of our lives. We are giving up our freedom to fail. If we never fail, can we ever succeed? Maybe failure is what we need as a people so that we learn from our mistakes. We are quickly growing our government and surrendering our freedoms because we don't want to take reponsibility. Are we children still? Do we all need a mom to tell us what to do and give us curfews. We need to take responsibility. Now, of course no one wants a depression. But is that what would happen? We will never know. We are giving up the freedom to choose how to act in the face of the trial that would come.

The lifestyle Americans have been living is a good and viable cause for other countries to hate us. Why should their economies suffer for our citizen's actions? I am not saying that I am exempt from the tendency to live beyond my means. I do it as well. But when we don't have consequeces, it is hard to learn when our actions have a positive or negative effect. We, as Americans will never see the true consequence of our actions because of this bailout.

I also don't want to say I'm against the bailout, because I think it really will prevent a lot of the damage that can be done (or at least minimize it). But I am opposed to the freedoms we are giving up and the lessons left unlearned by this bailout.

10 Things (cont.)

#8 Cooking

I enjoy cooking. I like trying to make new things and I think that one day I'd like to have a professional kitchen. I don't know why I like it. I admit that it is way more fun when there is someone to cook for... but it is always a good stress release for me. The meals I make most, as my roommates could attest to, are:

• Shrimp scampi, baked potato, and vegetables
• Stir fry (with chicken) on rice
• Chicken Parmesan with Vegetables

On the other hand, I cannot bake for my life. I ruin cookies every time. I need serious help. I don't know what it is- I just can't bake. This is why I really appreciate good cookies. I can never make them for myself.

#9 "Cali"

Okay, if you ever want to make me cringe call California "Cali." I never heard the nickname until I left California. I don't know why it bothers me so much. It is almost like people say it as if that's the cool, hip word for California. It also seems to tie into stereotypical valley girl vocabulary. It is so NOT cool. Also, "the OC." Come on. As if Orange County is heaven or something. Let me tell you... I lived there for 12 years. It isn't exactly heaven. It's city which means... mostly ugly. Not a whole lot of green. Don't believe everything you see on TV. Now I live just outside of Orange County and I like it there SO much better. I don't understand why people all the sudden made judgments about the area code you live in when that show came out. Grow up. People were paying to get their area codes tattooed the the back window of their cars. 909, 714, 951- WHO CARES?

#10 Halloween and Peter Pan

For some reason, I get more and more excited for Halloween as I get older. It seems backwords, I know. When I was younger, it was all about the candy. Now, it is like a cool Fall tradition where you can be someone else. I can dress up like a freak and not be made fun of. That's COOL!

Peter Pan is probably my favorite kids story. I have the most recent Disney verison if anyone wants to watch it :) I've never wanted to be older. Even as a teenager. I could never understand why all my friend were aso excited to get older. I think the age that I would have liked to stay was 17 or 18. But even that was old when I was younger. I wouldn't want to stay in that maturity level... but certain things are appealing. The older you get, the more responsibility you have. Funny thing is... I think I'd make a good old man. I like old man things. Old man music, the old man pass that lets you get away with anything, old man humor, etc. Haha. I guess I've just never been a particular fan of the middle part of life. Maybe because it is so blurry. There are so many choices to make. It seems like being a kid and being old is fairly predictable.