2010

New Year. Does anyone else have this thing with important dates where they commit to a certain resolution? For instance, "when I turn 25, I'll start..." but then your 25th birthday comes and then you think... "on the first of the month I'll start..." and the first comes and goes, and the pattern goes on and on jumping to seemingly "important" dates.

I have that problem. So it was a new beginning on the first... but now I'm looking for the next important date. I can't just have a resolution starting on the 17th or 5th or some random day. I guess it is always too soon. And for some reason I feel like there is added power with a meaningful day. Really it is just procrastination; one of my more prominent and detrimental flaws.

Someone recently told me that pretending is a good thing. I usually feel like some sort of poser or hypocrite of some kind when I am acting like someone I'm not. I'm usually a pretty genuine person. But he was saying that if you act like it... if I go on pretending to be okay, pretending to be the person I guess deep down I want to be, one day I will wake up and actually be that person. I'm not sure how that works, or if it will... but I guess I'll try it out. I've been stuck in quicksand for so long though, and people-- my legs are long and I don't have much muscle to pull them out. I need to go to the gym.