Post #77

Why is it that I seem to finally get the guts to ask a girl out just before they are engaged? Seriously. Someone has it out for me.

Post #76

I think I'm just going to graduate in Spring. Why stay in school?

What am I Thankful for?

Haliaka asked me what I loved or what I am thankful for. Usually I find that things I hate are more interesting. But what am I thankful for? I'm at a place in my life where find myself pretty bitter. But I do find joy in some things:

• I think acting class is a blast
• I love the new friends I've made in classes this semester
• I'm glad that I can still make other people happy
• I am thankful for REAL friends
• My family is great
• I am thankful that I have always had good health
• I'm so glad that I know people who really know me
• I love filmmaking

I am not perfect... but I'm still a good person. I might not do good things all the time... but I never intentionally hurt another person.

Post #74

The doctor said I suffer from a hardened heart. The treatment: start with the basics.

Post #73

I hate our health care system. I hate that I have to go to a particular specialist in California and get tests done at a particular place in Corona when I live in Utah.

I hate that I have to spend 15 minutes on hold just to set an appointment that I can't set because I don't have my insurance card in my hand. Just put my name next to the freaking time slot! I'm positive that you won't let me in without my card if I show up. Even if I don't have it or don't show up, I know that everyone there will have been waiting at least half an hour past their scheduled "appointment" and that no one will be sitting around wondering why Jonathan Adamson didn't show.

Post #72

I hate it when you are at the gym and you have this routine and someone is on your machine.

I hate it more when they decide to have a conversation for half an hour while just sitting on the machine. Do people really have that much free time?

Beginnings

Okay,

So this was my first week back from insanity. All I really wanted to do was sleep. But... next week- Next week is the beginning.

I've let a lot of things slide. Besides church attendance and all the good stuff that goes along with that, I also haven't been to the gym in months or eaten at my apartment. Sleep has been made optional and I have found myself sleeping at random locations where sanitation may have been questioned if I wasn't so freakin tired.

However, Sunday I am going to my ward for the first time. It should be interesting. "Oh hi, yeah- I've lived here for 2 months, nice to meet you." I hope that since I never was there in the first place I won't be considered "less-active" or whatever and get the special project treatment. I really planned on going last Sunday- I even got my suit dry-cleaned, but I got home at 7:30am on Sunday and there was no way in hell I was going to stay awake a minute longer. But tomorrow, I am finally going.

Monday I am beginning project health. This involves going to the gym 6 days a week, eating 3 healthy, home-made meals, and eating healthy snacks every two hours between meals. You may ask why I would ever do such a thing. Well, I need to put on some weight. I just want to work hard for a month by going to the gym and forcing myself to eat a lot to see if I can make a difference. Then I'll decide what the plan of action will be from there. I'll keep you updated.



In other news, I really enjoyed Where the Wild Things Are. I know a lot of people didn't like it. It is definitely not a kids movie... but it captures childhood in a really amazing and profound way. I loved it.

Post #70

I wish Gatorade flavors were more informative. What the hell does "True Force" taste like?

Off Balance

I'm not sure why I am writing this. I mean, I know I write because it helps me to understand what I am thinking, but it seems so weird to me to have it published where people can read. If I think about that too much I won't do it. I've been postponing this post. I guess I am afraid of being judged.

My life has been way out of balance for the past, oh I don't know, 6 months? Maybe longer. I keep myself incredibly busy. These past few weeks have been especially insane. I've been working on this movie every spare minute of the day and night. I have missed class, skipped work, and sacrificed sleep. It has been my life. I've pulled countless all-nighters. At one point I had only slept 5 hours in a 60 hour period. I caught a minor cold for a couple days, but somehow I don't have it anymore.

Anyway, that was just recently. Before then, I kept busy. I always have. I realize now why I do it. Why I make sure that I am so busy all the time. It's funny- it is the same advice President Hinkley gave to missionaries- go to work. I do it because in reality, I'm not happy. But if I'm busy, I don't have time to think about that.

I find lots of ways to stay busy. Working is one of them. Up until work on this movie began I worked almost every Sunday since August on top of my 20 hours on campus. I was working full time on top of school.

Playing. Yes, I do this when there isn't anymore work I can do. I have a blast. You would never know I was unhappy because, well- I can't believe it myself when I'm having so much fun.

These are really the two main ways I fill my time. I haven't been to church in who knows how long. At least since I moved into my new ward. I guess I can't call it my ward because I haven't even been there to get my records transferred. So at least 2 months... probably closer to 3.

When, at the end of the day, I have nothing to rush off to or errands to run, people to call, things to do-- I realize how entirely unhappy I am. I'm not a fool. I know why I'm not happy. I guess religion has all the answers. But here is the strange part. Even though I know what I need to do to be happy- I don't want to do it. I don't want to re-evaluate my life and put things in order and go to church and get a calling and do all the things I know I should and always have. It's pathetic-- I know. I'm letting myself slip away.

Don't get me wrong, I want more than anything to live the "Mormon Dream." You know, go to church, be spiritual and happy, get married, have kids. I have so many friends that are on that path and I am so happy for them. A part of me is jealous. I never thought I'd be where I am. I figured I'd be where they are I guess. I just don't know how. How do I get from point A to B? And second. Is it worth it? I mean, in the long run I know it will be. But habits are hard to break and form and that is rough.

So there. I've spilled my thoughts onto the internet for everyone to see. I didn't do it before because I thought girls might read it and think... wow, better stay away from that one. He isn't someone I'd want to get involved with. Which is true- they probably don't, but I don't care. I'm not going to pretend everything is just dandy so people around me feel more comfortable.

Post #68

I bet IHOP waiters feel bad for people that come in alone at 6am to eat breakfast.

Post #67

Today I went to IHOP at 6am by myself. My sleep schedule is all messed up and I was craving IHOP pancakes. I don't know why, but I always feel bad for the waiters who work at 24 hour places like IHOP and Dennys between the hours of 10pm and 6am and always give them a good tip.

I'm a Mac!

After years of longing, I have finally made my purchase. I bought the 15in 2.8gH macbook pro and am thrilled about it. I also bought the new final cut studio. One thing that has always bothered me is when I see people with macbook pros using it for word processing. Why? That's what macbooks are for. In a month I will probably also buy the adobe master collection. Then my software needs will be met and I will be ready to do anything. Wahoo!!



In other news I am flying home tomorrow and am looking forward to many days on the beach. What I am not looking forward to however is all the packing and cleaning I have to do so I can check out of my apartment before I catch my flight. However, that won't stop me from trying to glimpse tonight's meteor shower.

Sunday was my first day working inventory for Roberts Crafts. It went by surprisingly fast for a 17 hour work day. Wendi told us about it and Rodalinda and I decided to do it. I need some extra money to supplement my 20-hour work weeks during school.

When I get back from California in two weeks I will be moving to a new apartment complex and I am thrilled! I am so done with Bountiful Court. I'm ready to be somewhere where people mind there own business.

Tag, you're it!

What is your current obsession? I have a few. Going to Area 51 and dancing the night away, getting a macbook pro and pro software, and film making.

What do you hate the most that everybody else seems to love? hmm... EVERYONE else? I don't really know. I can't think of anything that I hate that most people love.

If you could have any other name besides your own, what would it be? I don't know... something original I guess. My name's Jonathan though, so deal.

What's for dinner? Nothing... I'm too lazy to go to the store. NyQuil maybe.

What would you eat for your last meal? Mexican food all the way. I mean, I love food... all sorts of food. But Mexican food doesn't ever NOT sound good to me. Fresh salsa, chips, burritos, enchiladas, tacos- yum.

What's the last thing you bought? A car wash. Then a bird crapped on my windshield.

What are you listening to right now? I was listening to Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade before my piece of crap PC had to be restarted.

What do you think of the person that tagged you? Lindy is pretty awesome... even though she may get way too obsessed with Sherwood and Depp- haha. She's pretty chill and isn't high maintenance. Plus she says maintenance in a very unique, but proper way which is cool.

If you could have a house, fully paid for, and totally furnished anywhere in the world, where would it be? Laguna Hills, CA. And since this one would be paid for and furnished, I could have another house somewhere else. I'd like on in either a country or mountain setting to get away every now and then also.

What is one of your hobbies? Making movies

What are your favorite smells? Cookies in the oven

What is your favorite color? I don't have a favorite. If there was only one color in the world it would be super boring.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe? Again, I don't have a favorite. I dress appropriately to the occasion.

What is your dream job? Having the letters "A.C.E." at the end of my name in the credits of a big movie. But I'd be happy doing anything that pays me to make movies.

Describe your personal style. I'd say preppy... except that makes me think of sweaters tied around my neck. Holister, Abercrombie, ripped jeans w/ button-up shirts... that sort of thing.

What are you going to do after this? Continue going through my music and creating an awesome Party Playlist for Friday.

What inspires you? Art... but I guess it all comes down to the people that create it. People are inspiring.

Who was the last person you kissed? no comment

What are you currently reading? Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, The man who mistook his wife for a hat, and another book who's title will remain a mystery.

What delighted you most today? Lazy afternoon napping on the couch.

By what criteria do you judge a person? First by their appearance. Do they take care of their appearance? Do they look confident, but not overly so? Next is are they genuine and real? I don't like fake or two-faced people, nor do I like judgmental ones.

What is something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done yet? Lots of things... isn't that what drives our existence? Wanting to do or become something more, experience something new and profound, and wanting to feel the highs and lows of life?

Post Secret

I have my own post secret for everyone:

Every time I go to my blog in a public place I am embarrassed by my photo and quickly scroll down so no one sees it.


If you haven't noticed the link to "Post Secret" on my blog, it is there at the bottom. It isn't for everyone though. Some of the secrets shared are pretty personal. I just like it because it makes complete strangers seem so human.

Area 51

So last night was officially my first clubbing experience and I had a blast! We ate at the Cheesecake Factory before heading over to the club and it was really nice. Food was great, company was great... it was just a good relaxing dinner. It's been awhile since I've been to that restaurant. If you've never been, everything I've ever had has been really good. And no, they don't just sell Cheesecake haha.

Studio 600 was closed, so we found this other club called Area 51. I've always been self-conscious when it comes to dancing. But lately I've kind of stopped caring what people think, and last night I totally let myself go. The environment helped a lot- fog, flashing lights, loud music. When we first got there the only people there were sitting in the bar or lounging and we were like the only ones dancing. I definitely wouldn't have done that in the past. Eventually, (like around midnight), more people showed up and it was even more fun. We stayed until it closed at 2.

I walked away feeling like I'd conquered some kind of fear or like I was able to finally get rid of whatever was holding me back. It was SO liberating! Despite it being a regular dance club (not Studio 600) all the people were really cool... which I sort of didn't expect. I guess I expected some rudeness or something. It felt good to be around other people that weren't the cookie-cutter BYU student... not that I'm not a cookie-cutter BYU student, but it is just nice to be in a more diverse place sometimes.

My insomnia, however, has managed to stick around despite 5 hours of dancing. I fell asleep around 8am and had to be at work at 10. The 2 nights before I only got 4-5 hours of sleep. Tonight I am definitely buying some NyQuil and SLEEPING.

That's all

Moon

So I went to see this low-budget indie-sci-fi movie in Salt Lake with some film friends and I really liked it. I was impressed with it. Very little money was spent on it, but it was really good. It played at Sundance where some of my friends saw it. It reminded me of a kind of sci-fi version of Cast Away except that I hated Cast Away. The character in this movie is just so interesting and complex that it works. Plus I was excited that they used the Korean word for love as the name of the moon-station and company.

Oh yeah, so it all takes place on the moon basically. And everything that is filmed on "the surface of the moon" was actually miniature models which we plan on using in an up-coming 3D Sci-fi space comedy. It was just exciting to see a good film made with little money and independent filmmakers.

Life in HD

I often think about how we are becoming more and obsessed with giving reality a face lift. We all do it. Our pictures go through photoshop and we report on exciting things we've seen or done on public blogs or networking sites. We hardly divulge the grimy and the mundane. Sometimes it irks me a little, even though I do it all the time, and even love doing it.

Then I was thinking... well, aren't our minds sort of the same way? I remember that when I lived with my family, for reasons I don't remember, I couldn't wait to be out of the house. Then, suddenly, when I was out on my own, I couldn't help but remember how wonderful it was and how loving we were and how much fun we had. After I had moved out, I always looked forward to going back and always seemed to have a really nice time at home. I think we naturally hold onto the good in our past. Sure, it may seem almost impossible for us to look past the harsh present, but the past always seems full of fond memories.

I guess I was thinking about this because I am working on editing a wedding video for some friends of mine. For ideas, I watched a lot of other videos on vimeo. It all seems so magical. But you know at the time that the bride had a headache and the groom's stomach was eating itself for lack of substance and their mouths hurt from the plastered smile on their face, and their arms were tired from shaking hands with their dad's business friends, and the list goes on. But who wants to see a movie about that?

The ability our minds have to improve reality must be some sort of mechanism our minds use to survive. I mean, if women had perfect recollection of how it felt to push a human being out of her anytime she even thought of kids, I have a feeling families would be a whole lot smaller. But now we have the ability to actually create a higher kind of reality. Even the movies and pictures that prove our existence show a world that seems wonderful and magical. It is becoming so easy to accept this altered reality as truth.

I think that if I were ever to write a thesis or dissertation I would explore this area. Don't get me wrong... I love being able to take that nasty blemish off my face and make a muggy sky baby-blue. I'm just interested in exploring what this new ability might do (for or to) our psyches.

Oregon

Last Thursday Rosalinda and I drove to Oregon to visit my roommate Jeff and do some sight-seeing. It was really very enjoyable. Once again, I will have to post pictures later, though I've posted some from Rosa's camera. Some of them are on film and will need to be developed.

Thursday: The drive took us 12 1/2 hours, including stops, to get to Scappoose, OR where Jeff lives. It is a little town on the outskirts of Portland (about 30 minutes away). After driving down a winding forest road, you need to take a steep gravel road up to his house which is set on a few acres of land. It was nice and secluded and very beautiful.

We got there around 6:30 in the evening and had some time before it got dark, so we decided to go to a nearby waterfall and to look at some of the locations in town where Twilight was filmed (Rosalinda's request). When we got to one of the locations we found that there was some sort of outdoor festival going on at the edge of the Columbia river in a really cool looking neighborhood. Most places we went in Oregon were picturesque and seemed to have their own feel. All the buildings had so much character. I'd never been to places like these that had a particular feeling to them. It really was a photographer's dream. However, it turned out to be my nightmare because I only had one roll of film and I kept "saving" it. Turns out I have 9 shots left- that was dumb.


In Front of Bella's House

Anyway, we walked around the festival where they had live music and food and a fire-twirling man haha. Not to mention the very interesting people in attendance. It was so cool and it was a warm evening at sunset. Beautiful.

Friday: Friday we decided to do some hiking around Multnomah Falls by Mt. Hood. It was very pretty. Other trails took us to other waterfalls nearby. Jeff's sister Amy came along and we all had a fun time. Afterward, we drove into Portland to walk around town. Portland is really a beautiful city. It is nestled in the hills and built next to the Columbia river with all sorts of bridges and trains. The city itself is surprisingly clean. It's streets are full of interesting people (some a little scary looking) and musicians. We also stopped by at a shop that TNT was filming an episode of some series at. It was kind of fun to see all the equipment and know what everything was.



Rosalinda got Ben and Jerrys ice cream which we ate in a kind of events square in the middle of the city. We walked through expensive stores and just kind of got the feel of the city. I think Jeff may have even enjoyed it a little- even though the thought of going into town was disgusting to him.

That night we ate at a little Mexican restaurant in Scappoose before we went to see Transformers 2. The food was better than the movie... but it was still entertaining enough. I think we probably spent the night talking with his family and watching funny youtube videos.

Saturday: Saturday morning we got up early to drive down to Tillamook to visit the cheese factory. It was a two-hour drive, but Rosalinda had been looking forward to the cheese. We got ice cream after sampling the cheeses and then drove to Oceanside which is just a few miles away. Oceanside was worth the drive though. It is a really pretty beach with all sorts of rock formations and caves. Despite the perfect weather that we had down there there was a constant cold wind at the beach. The water was freezing of course, but we had fun looking at starfish and other creatures and exploring rocks and caves.





The town itself was really interesting. The forest comes right to the edge of the beach and so the houses are built among the trees. The design of the houses was a kind of mix somewhere between a beach house and a cabin. It was really interesting- something I've never seen before. In California you pick the beach or the mountains, you can't have both. But this was some kind of hybrid. Still, I think I'd rather have a warm beach.



In the afternoon we went Kayaking on the Columbia. It was a really warm day and it was fun to cruise around on the river for awhile. We spotted bald eagles and basically kayaked right up to some cows. We splashed each other which kept us cool and just kind of enjoyed the afternoon.

Rosalinda and I had decided to make dinner for the family that night and together, with Jeff, decided to do a BBQ since the weather was so nice. We made kabobs with salmon and steak and veggies along with twiced-baked potatoes, corn on the cob (BBQd), watermelon, cantaloupe, and limeaide. It was delicious. We had strawberry food-cake with vanilla ice cream for dessert. The strawberries were picked from Jeff's garden and were very sweet. Jeff's sister and brother-in-law were visiting with their kids and we all had a nice evening.

Sunday: We slept in, which was really nice, and had a lazy few hours where we played/listened to the piano and read before we left for the singles ward at 1:00 in the afternoon. The ward met in Beaverton and it took about 45 minutes to get there. It met at 2 and it seemed like Jeff and his sister felt almost as out of place as we did since they hardly ever went to the singles ward.

We met Jeff's other Brother and sister-in-law and their two kids and spent the evening talking with them and the rest of the family. We also spent some time laying on the trampoline which we seemed to do a lot- it was relaxing and the weather was perfect. We decided to leave that night however, and drove through until we arrived back in Provo at 11:30am.

Jeff's family was very kind and fun to talk with and get to know. We didn't want to leave. It felt vaguely familiar and I don't know exactly why. Maybe it was because we spent time with the family and that setting is what made it familiar. Life there is definitely a lot different from life where Rosalinda and I grew up. It is a lot more quiet... a lot more serene. It is a place that seems to give time for a person to think and ponder and to have time to himself. It was beautiful.

Music

I had a few thoughts on music tonight as I ate dinner. I thought about how music can be such a complement to the world. I feel like it is at these times that I enjoy it most. Piano music at sunset while reading an old-fashioned type of English book. An intense and invigorating instrumental beat while driving through winding forest roads. A soft lazy tune on the couch during an afternoon thunderstorm. It can really help a person to experience the world in a fond sort of way.



Music can also be a distraction from the world. I suppose that this is very useful at times. Tonight I ate at a burger joint near campus at the bar. I had one earbud in but decided to take it out when I began to take interest in the conversation the grill cooks were having. One of the girls was being taught the ways of the grill by her coworkers. It must have been her first day. It was interesting to see how they explained how to present a corn dog vs. a corn dog on fries or about how when you know when to put food on a tray vs. just setting the food out for pick-up. They talked about what they liked doing best whether it be fries, grill, or "set-up." I found "set-up" particularly interesting because it was like their own language. I have no idea what that job entailed, but apparently it was someone's favorite thing to do at work.

It was then when a large group of preteen (oh, I guess they were older) girls decided to join me at the bar. This is when the ear buds went in and I realized that sometimes using music to shut out the world isn't so bad.

Moab

Last weekend I went to Moab with some friends and had a blast. Maren, Wendi, Rosalinda, Tyson and I drove up on Thursday and came back Sunday. I will have to post pictures later.

We got there around 6 or 7 Thursday night and drove around for quite a bit of time trying to find an available camp site. Luckily, we found our home at King's Bottom on the edge of the Colorado river. When we found the site, it had been pouring like mad. We were slightly disheartened, but mostly excited and in awe. When that much water lands on mountains of sandstone, waterfalls start appearing all over the place. It was amazing. The rain stopped just as we were ready to set up camp, which was perfect. We ate at the first open restaurant we found which turned out to be a good one.

Friday we went white-water rafting on the Colorado river and had a blast. It was sunny, warm and clear. Our raft guide was fun and we even got to rescue a raft in our party that got flipped on the largest rapid of the day. We got back to town around 3 and decided to go for a dip in a nearby stream. It was warmer than the Colorado river... and clearer. We went up to a waterfall and jumped in from rocks. Wendi wasn't so sure about the slippery moss that covered the rocks, but they made for good slides. We walked around town for awhile and went on a small hike near our campsite before eating and going to bed.

Saturday we went into Arches National Park and went on several hikes to different arches. One of the hikes (Sandstone Arch) was a lot of fun because it is in this large crevasse between large masses of sandstone and a very fine sand covers the floor. We took off our shoes and climbed up rocks and explored the area for awhile. The weather was cooler with occasional light rain. It was just about perfect for a day of hiking. While we were out, however, our tent had been ransacked. Apparently the criminals were naked transvestites because they stole guys clothes and a bag of makeup. My whole bag had been stolen and Tyson had three pairs of short taken from his.

I wasn't too bummed out because I had my wallet and keys and phone. They did steal some clothes that I really liked including my boars shorts, but maybe they needed them more than me? Anyway, that didn't keep us down. I insisted that we follow through with our plans to go take a bath in the stream we visited the day before. I won't go into details about how I managed to do that when the only clothes I had were the ones I was wearing.

Saturday night we ate at Zaks and had a fireside dance party which was rockin. It was highly enjoyable and is one of my favorite memories form the trip. The couple at the campsite next to ours, however, must have had a much more fun night. Apparently they believed their tent was sound proof and didn't think that their extremely loud mating sessions would be out of place in such a natural environment... I mean, the chipmunks were doing it.

We did some off-roading on Sunday and got Wendi's Jeep muddied up in Canyonlands National park and stopped at a few scenic points. By the time we got back to Provo we were so ready for a shower and real sleep, but it was well worth it.

Mind your own!

As of late, I have become extremely annoyed with the apparently large population of people here that invite themselves quiet unabashedly into other people's business. Let's get one thing clear... I am not like you and I don't plan on ever being anything remotely similar to your version of the ideal, upright Mormon citizen of Provo, Utah. If you keep insisting on calling me "we" or "us" and assume that I, like you, have a huge stick up my butt, I am going to have to hurt you.

Okay, let me explain. Apparently one of the people described above heard about a certain camping trip to Moab that I will be going on tomorrow. And would you believe it, there are boys AND girls going. I know- devilish. This person saw fit to contact the authorities immediately. I mean, you have to right? Boys + Girls in Moab = sex. Everyone knows that.

Anyway, a few white lies later, questions were dropped about this scandalous trip. It drives me mad. That isn't the only thing that has happened this week. Some people just love serving. They seem happy to do just about anything for anyone. They are so enthusiastic that they kindly sign you up to participate. Well, news flash- I will volunteer my time when I have time to volunteer. I know I sound like a selfish grinch, but I had 4 hours of free time today that I had to clean, cook, pack, do laundry, and drop by the store.

BAH! You know what the ironic thing is? The more that these people try to impose their self righteous impossibly unfun ideals on me, the more I want to do the things they would have a heart-attack over.

A Cruise for Christmas

It is done- booked and paid for. For Christmas I'm going to the Caribbean on a cruise with my family. It leaves (from Miami) on the 20th and comes back on the 27th. We will be visiting:

Half Moon Cay, Bahamas (private island)


St. Thomas, USVI


San Juan, Puerto Rico


Grand Turk (Christmas day)


I am pretty excited... though I think it'll be strange to not have a traditional Christmas and Christmas dinner. I want to save up and pay for my family to go horseback riding at Half Moon Cay as a Christmas present. The ride takes you to the highest point on the island and swimming through the shallow water of the beach. I've always wanted to go in the water with a horse.

Books and Stuff

So I have started a book-club type blog thingy. I've wanted to do it for some time, but I never had a base of people really interested in doing it. Well, I kind of joined this "cult-classics" book club and now I have a base. I didn't start the club, but I started the blog. Eventually I want to start doing movies and art and poetry and all that cool stuff too... but for now I will stick with the club and see how that goes. Anyone is welcome to join! Just tell me if you want to and I will make it so you can post on the blog too.

Here is the link

My strengths/weaknesses?

So I took this signature strengths test at this site and found it to be pretty accurate I think. According to this 240 question test (yeah, it's long) My top strengths are:

#1 Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty
#2 Leadership
#3 Appreciation of beauty and excellence
#4 Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
#5 Humor and playfulness

Now, this test lists them as 24 strengths, but I assume that, just as the top 5 are the ones we should focus on using and applying, the last 5 are not really that strong. haha. They are:

#24 Love of learning (Which I don't think is right)
#23 Capacity to love and be loved (yeah)
#22 Self-control and self-regulation
#21 Gratitude
#20 Caution, prudence, and discretion

Well, it is interesting anyway.

Leave me alone

I want to complain about work for a second. People are really lazy... and most the time that's why they come up to me and ask questions. Problem is, I'm lazy too and really don't care to answer dumb questions. Some are simple and just require a little effort... like, opening up an internet browser and going to the library home page and typing the name of the book you are looking for all by yourself. That's too much for a lot of people.



Some questions involve technology... you know, that thing that made us so lazy in the first place. For example... "the computer in the technology room isn't working." Okay... well, not quite. It works just fine, it just isn't connecting to the internet. So, I look at the unplugged network cable on the ground and plug it in while three guys sit there bewildered. "Oh," they say, "I would've figured it was wireless." Well, I think the problem really is that you didn't figure at all.



Then there are the people who don't bother to bring their id card, and get impatient when sending their print job manually and charging their account takes longer than they thought. Well, bring your card next time folks-- believe me, I don't get high over finding your one job out of 200 and manually charging your account. Save us both some time and frustration.



I am pretty sure the library has a blog. I nominate this entry to be posted. What do you think?



Wow- I was just asked if I work here. I should have said no.

Story

First off... it is a really good thing none of you talked to me this morning. I was SO angry. I woke up to the sound of a vacuum cleaner at about 7:00am. I gave up by 7:30 and decided I might as well clean too if I'm not going to be able to sleep. If you could have been in my head this morning you'd feel pretty rotten. Everything was BLEEP this and BLEEP that. Good thing I don't actually speak that way.

Okay- now, after that side note, I'll get to the part I actually wanted to write about. So in my angry state, I began to come up with a character sketch for a story. This boy is in his mid to late teens, and like most teenagers, he's a pretty angry kid. He's had it really rough growing up though. Dad in jail, mom-so concerned with saving the world and the people in it, overlooked her own son and ended up "helping" someone who didn't want to be helped. Now, I already have a beginning to the story, and this isn't part of it, but the kid is waking up and dressing for something that turns out to be his mom's funeral (which we actually don't find out until much later).

Basically this kid has never had anyone to count on and no one to count on him. So now I need to develop the story more. I only have a rough outline. Throughout the present morning, we are taken back to earlier times in his life that help us sympathize with this otherwise bitter and unlovable kid. Sounds like kind of a sad tale... but it gets better. Later, in the present day, something happens that is really significant. I haven't figured out what that is yet. I want it to be something simple... something people would normally overlook as really ordinary... yet it has to be meaningful enough to this kid and his story that it SAVES him. He finds hope for the first time.



I really like coming-of-age stories and I also like realism. What is real isn't always the most pleasant thing to look at and consider. In fact, it almost never is. I mean, look at what we do to our world. Most the time, when we portray it, we make it much more remarkable and improve reality. We use things like photoshop to exaggerate the world around us. We use computers to create ideal landscapes. We write blogs and post pictures on facebook that seem to portray a much more exciting life than we actually lead. Well, anyway- we tend to pull beautiful paintings over our eyes and want to believe in them so badly that many of us actually think it is true.

Now I am not saying there is nothing of beauty in the world. There is. We just tend to want to make them more than what they really are. But I am also a fan of this alternate reality. I love the idea of improving reality a bit. I think it is really cool.

Anyway, this story will begin very real. To the point that it might seem extreme to people who've lived sheltered lives such as myself. But it will be uplifting at the end. I might even allow it to turn very stylistic in it's portrayal something that is better than reality. I don't know yet. So yeah- there is my story.

Afternoon Thunder Storms

As much as I love them... they kind of throw off my groove a little.



First off... I can't wash my car unless I feel like throwing money in the garbage. So it is nasty and dirty.

Second... I can't even out my farmers tan I acquired while shooting "Lest we Forget" because it seems that every time I see that the sun is out and I decide to get a few rays by the pool, the clouds roll in.

Third... The rain is always dirty because it only rains a little... so i feel like I need to shower if it rains on me.

Forth... I really like lightning... but you can't really see it in the afternoon anyway.


However, yesterday I went running up Provo Canyon. The first 2 miles or so were sunny and kind of hot. Then on my way back, huge rain drops followed big gusts of wind. By that time, my car was in a covered lot, I didn't care for a tan as much as I cared to be cooled off, and I was already dirty and needed a shower. So it made for an exciting run. I was lucky enough not to be hit by falling branches and I got to run in the rain.

My up tos

I really don't have much to talk about at the moment.. but I decided that maybe I could quickly blog about what I've been up to and what I plan on being up to this summer.

First of all, I am kind of a work-a-holic this summer. So far I've worked two 60 hour weeks. I have two jobs. I work at the BYU Harold B. Lee Library as a multimedia consultant/computer assistant/general reference assistant. My duties mostly have to do with answering people's questions. I also teach classes on how to use creative software.



I also work for this small production company as an editor. It is kind of free-lance work. I don't have a certain number of hours I work. I just get called up when they have projects that they want me to take on. Their biggest client is Omniture and so I am am often editing the company's training videos-- which are incredibly boring.



Last weekend I finished working on a film titled "Lest We Forget" directed by Courtney Branning, who is awesome. It was a fun project and I think it will turn out really good.

I am also planning on some vacations this summer. One trip I am looking forward to is going to Moab to go whitewater rafting and hiking through Arches National Park next month. I went last year and loved it. I'm also going home in August as I always do so I can get some beach time before I come back to Utah. I may be going to Oregon for a few days as well to do some hiking and stuff. I haven't quite decided.



I also have a few other projects I am working on. I am editing the film "El Maldito," finishing up my mission book, which I started last summer, and restoring some pictures from my grandma's life. I also want to develop an idea for a film that I want to direct before I graduate.

So I have specific things I want to accomplish this summer. #1 Earn Money, #2 Finish Projects, #3 Have fun, #4 Start new projects. I am working a lot so that I can begin to buy my own work station. It'll cost around $7,000 for everything that I want. I don't know that I will be able to get it all this summer, but I can at least try. I also want to pay off my braces and maybe get my windows tinted- the summer is hot. I also need to save some money for a cruise. My family has decided to do Christmas Caribbean style this year. My mom said she'd buy my ticket, but I want to do it myself.



I really want to be successful in film. I hope that this summer will help me get there.

Achilles Heel

So the myth goes something like this...

When Achilles was a baby, his mother, Thetis, dipped him in the river Stxy to make him immortal... or at least make his skin impenetrable. Unfortunately, she was dipping him while holding onto his heel and she forgot that one part of his body.

Achilles became a great warrior against the Trojans. He was an unstoppable force. That is, until an arrow was shot into his heel. This was the fall of Achilles.

- that's all

Friends

I've always had good friends. I don't really think I understand completely what a blessing this is because I've never been without. Well, I can't say that. I moved once and knew no one. That was devastating. So I guess I can appreciate having good friends.

My friends like me for who I am, even when I annoy the heck out of myself. They try their best to lift me up and I really do appreciate that. I don't know if I deserve the friends I've had, but they have sure made my life a lot more enjoyable.



It is really difficult for me to be myself around people I don't know very well. I really enjoy getting to know more people and meeting different personalities... it is just hard for me to open up. One reason, i think, is that I wish I were someone different... even though I know being myself is best. I have this view of the cooler version of me in my head I guess... but I can't make myself be that person. It has nothing to do with the improved me. Of course I want to strive to better myself as a human being. It is more like I wish my personality were different. I wish I loved to dance and that I was more outgoing. I wish I only spoke when I had something meaningful to say rather than just yapping about nothing. I wish I was a bit more serious or intense rather than so loud and sarcastic. I wish I were more confident and sure of myself. I'm hoping that others can relate to this and it doesn't sound completely ridiculous.



On the outside, I may appear to be this person. But ask anyone and they will tell you that that is just not the case. The facade is actually closer to who I want to be... except for the negative things people think when they see me. I don't want to be a stuck-up too-good-for-you boy from California. That is some of the things people think before they know me.



Anyway, I am just really glad that I've had friends who accept me for who I am. I don't know if I am always the best friend I could be in return- and I'm sorry for that. Thanks for being awesome!

Fun does not equal Happiness

Lindy posted something about knowing what happiness is and I have been thinking about it a little. Then today in class, we learned more about what happiness is. Somehow, we seem to think that having fun is what makes you happy. In fact, it is almost the opposite. Things that bring true happiness often come from pain and difficulty.



Think about it. If fun equaled happiness, the Hollywood movie stars would have it made. Big houses, fun parties, fun cars- They probably have all sorts of crazy fun. Yet all you hear about them is depression, drugs, alcohol addiction, divorce, loneliness. Fun happens while you are doing something. Happiness is there after you are done doing what it is you did.

Happiness comes from family- Easy-peasy. Except half of all marriages end in divorce and having and raising kids could kill you. Our lives are so driven by money. We live for money. But the things that we buy that we think we need really isn't costing us money. It is costing us our lives. We waste them away to get things that will never go on with us past the grave. Although I know this, It is so hard to flip the switch in my head to simplify life and go after what truly brings happiness. It all comes from giving of ourselves.

What I would like more than anything is to become financially secure early on (living a fairly simple lifestyle) so that I don't have to stress about working my life away. I want to have time to do good in the world. To give of myself. That includes family, friends, and strangers. I know that if I am seeking the dream where I have everything, I will die trying to get there and have nothing to show for it. I will not be happy. Right now, I feel like I am pretty money-driven. But I also allow for that because I need to start my professional career soon. I just hope that once I am there, and I can provide for all the necessities, I will be able to stop being such a workaholic.

Inspiration

One really difficult thing about doing anything artistic in a deadline atmosphere is that inspiration just doesn't come at the flip of a switch. I am trying to conceive an idea for a short film I am shooting on 16mm film. It is mostly experimental, but it is also expensive and I want it to turn out good. But we were given such a short amount of time and I have been so busy that I cannot think very well. Not to mention be creative. I will definitely be enlisting the help of friends.

I am so worn out right now it is amazing. Why do I get myself involved in so much? I think it is because I'm afraid of missing out on a good opportunity. I think it is also the result of my decision to go into film in the first place. It was hard for me to make the decision initially because I knew it was risky. Even though it was all I wanted to do. So now, I make up for that by working really hard and trying to do everything. This week I will probably work 40 hours on top of school and other projects. That is insane!

I am just hoping it will hall pay off in the end. I hope that I am getting the experience I need to become successful one day.

A Funeral

Yesterday I went to my grandma's funeral. She was 78. From what I hear, her death was very painful- which is really sad to me. It was hard at first for me to look at her in the casket. I've never seen a dead body. She looked as if she were sleeping. I expected her to stir and open her eyes. But her skin was stiff and cold.



I was close to my grandparents. My grandpa died pretty unexpectedly while I was on my mission. I have never even seen his grave. His death didn't really effect me like I thought it would. I wasn't effected by my grandmother's death either until I went to the funeral. I know that if I was at my grandpa's funeral, it would have got to me too. I never cry... but I couldn't hold it back during her service. It felt good. I forgot how good it feels after you cry.



My grandma was an awesome lady. She really missed my grandpa. They loved each other so much. She was the last in her family to die. I read a small little entry (probably her last) that she began in a small notebook. In it she said that she was grateful to be able to receive care and that it was a blessing. She was at a care home. She said "oh how I miss my dear John," which made me want to cry. She also said that she knew he was an angel and had work to do and that she felt her sisters around her to comfort her. She also expressed the fact that she missed her parents, but she wasn't sure she was worthy for them to see her. My grandma pretty much ran off to Hollywood and met and married my grandpa without telling her parents. She was rebellious. You should see some of the pictures I have of her.





I am glad she is with my grandpa and her family now and that she doesn't have to feel pain anymore. I am really glad I was there at her funeral. It makes me realize what I missed out on at my grandpa's funeral- his death was never real to me and I had no chance to accept and purge my feelings about his death. But in a way, I did that at my grandma's funeral because his death became more of a reality to me.


Now, for a completely different topic. I am a little angry about this one, and it has nothing to do with my very bad day I wrote about last time. I know what I want. I know what I feel when I meet someone that I like. I don't have extensive dating experience, but I have learned a lot in those experiences that i have had. I am not bitter towards any girl in my past. I also know that I always eventually find a girl that suites me better than the last.

I know there are tons of girls that would make a good companion. But for me, it isn't just about whether they are trustworthy and smart and pretty. There has to be some kind of spark. And I don't know how else to describe it. I know what it feels like though. It is the excitement and nervousness, the feeling that you could do anything when you are with them. It is the little bit of mystery but at the same, a seemingly unnatural trust that you feel when you are with them. My eyes are not closed to who would best suit me. You might argue that it hasn't worked for me yet... I mean, so far I have only been rejected in the end. But guess what? It only works out ONCE. Every other time it will end and someone will be rejected.

I am not marriage hungry. And right now, I really don't have the time, resources, and money for a girl. I don't need to have a girlfriend to be happy. I want to focus on what I do best and on what I enjoy. I want to focus on making me happy. If somewhere along the way a girl with that spark catches my attention, sure I will pursue it. I'm not anti-relationship or anti-marriage. But I have plenty to do all on my own. I'm sorry that things don't work out how we think they should. It really is unfortunate. It would save a lot of pain and heartache. But they don't work out in any logical way and I am starting to get sick of how we always talk about how guys suck or girls suck and dating is messed up. I am guilty of this kind of talk. But I think I've learned to just live my life the way I want. I will do what is best for me. If a girl works into that equation eventually- than wonderful. But until then, life's going to be wonderful anyway.

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Saint Patrick's Day was not a lucky one for me. A lot of terrible things happened. I don't know if I've had a day that could even come close to matching. You know that saying, when it rains, it pours? Yeah... this was one of those days.



The night before I was working on editing some scenes for El Maldito to see what we needed to get pick-ups for. We just needed to make sure that what we got would cut together. I had a mid-term the next day and so I came home after 1am and began to study. I went to bed and got up 4 hours later to study more. The mid-term went well.

After the mid-term however, I was supposed to pick up some people and head back up to Heber City to shoot more for El Maldito. It was already going to be a crazy insane shoot. We had to build the set on location and film there before it got dark. But when I called to confirm plans, i learned that the truck that was heading up with all the equipment and set pieces had broken down.



So, I was supposed to go and load my car with what I could and head up. But then I got call that I needed to load food into my car from another person's car because he wasn't able to make it to the shoot. So I do that and am on my way to the broken-down truck when I get a call from my aunt. She was trying to get a hold of my mother at work because my grandma was in the hospital and was given 24 hours to live. By this time I was at the truck and I am trying to move stuff into my car when I get a text message from a certain girl of interest saying that she's not interested even though she led me to believe she was. By this point I didn't really have any emotion left and I just pushed everything to the back of my mind and carried on.

I got to Heber, helped build the jail house set and then was asked to pick op dinner that was supposed to be ready for all the actors and crew. Well, I get to KFC and they hand me a huge thing of coleslaw and say have a nice day. So after finding out that there was obvious mis-communication I ordered $100 worth of KFC and had to wait 20 minutes for it to be ready. We were already in a huge rush.

We shot into the night and I got the word that my grandma died just an hour before my family made it to the hospital in St. George. I didn't know if I was going to have to drive down that night or what plans were and I hadn't touched my homework due the next morning. So, at 9:45pm I apologized and left the shoot. They kept shooting until 3am.

Since then I have been no less busy. Yesterday I was on set shooting from 6:00pm-6:00am, did my cleaning check, and went to bed just as the sun was coming through the window and my roommate's alarm was going off. I got up at 11:00am to come to work. And here I am until 9.

I will be driving down to St. George tomorrow and attending my grandma's funeral Saturday. Sometime during all that I will study for another midterm which I need to take first thing Monday morning. The title of this post is a story/movie my grandma had and that I watched a lot growing up. It is quite fitting. Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Hell Breaks Loose on the Set of The Damned

Okay,

So we had an early film shoot at Solder's Hollow in Heber which is basically on the side of a railroad track in the middle of an icy desert. (Not really a desert, but it seemed barren enough). It was supposed to begin at 6:30am. After 2 and a half hours of sleep I climbed out of bed and got ready to head out to our meeting location for carpooling up to Heber City. We are behind, of course, and don't make it there until 7:00am.

The reason we had planned to go so early was because our actress could only film before noon. Well, when we arrived- she was nowhere to be found. We got out of our cars at just before sunrise. That didn't last long because we were all convulsing in the extreme cold. We sat in our cars with the heat on while we waited for the actress.

Then we get a call that she has been pulled over by a cop- wonderful. We watch what really was a beautiful sunrise over the mountains and icy lake, except our angry thoughts about why we were up so early and in this freezing wasteland were clouding any good feelings about the situation.

When she finally arrives we hike out to a location up a hill and down the train tracks like a quarter mile. It takes everyone FOREVER to join us (the camera crew and the director) and to get going. We manage to shoot two shots. Then we moved the camera to get our action shot of the day. In this shot, our two actors we supposed to be tumbling down a hill after jumping from the train.

This was where the ultimate bad thing happened. Due to lack of sleep, apparently nobody was thinking straight. The actor's hands were supposed to be tied around his back, so we did. The snow was not soft, it was pretty dang hard. So hard that you could put all your weight on it and most the time it wouldn't give to make a footprint. Well, when you tumble down terrain like that with your hands behind your back, you have nothing to break your fall.

Our actor leaped off the hill (not what we were expecting) and when they were both at the bottom, it was obvious that he was in pain. We don't know what it is. He thought it was his shoulder so we speculated that it was dislocated. We try to sit him up, but the pain is just too much for him. We said a prayer and gave a blessing and he was able to sit up and stand... but this was after 20 minutes of everyone trying to find out what we should do. We were 1/4 mile off any roads next to train tracks. Well we walk with him slowly back to the cars and get him to the local hospital.

He broke his collar bone. Wonderful. Not only did we all feel so horrible for him (he was in tears it was so painful), but he is the main character in the movie. So we got 3 shots. He had been "shot" in the film, so he was wearing a vest with a bullet hole and blood which gave the hospital staff a jolt. Luckily the doctor managed to get his costume off without having to cut it off.

So now, with 3 more days of production left, our main guy is in a sling (he's the one on the right of the last picture I posted in my last post). The snow is melting fast and it is needed for the film. Not only that, but when we loaded everything back up we found that the tripod had broke. We should have all stayed in bed.

El Maldito (THE DAMNED)

So lately I've been putting a lot of hours into helping with a film called El Maldito or, in English, the Damned. It is a Vampire Western. Now, before you judge, you have to take a look at some of these photos. It is awesome! It's been a great experience and it isn't over yet. There are probably three more days of production (up from the one day we originally planned for). We are shooting on the Heber Valley Railroad in train cars. Some of the time we are stationary... but we also shoot while riding the train. There are other locations as well- a snowy embankment, a jailhouse... but mostly on the train.



I have been doing lots of things on set... but mostly assisting Tennille who is the DP (Director of photography or cinematographer. So I have worked as 2nd AC and will work as 1st AC. I like being on the camera crew because I get to be right there in front of the action and can see what it looks like on camera. We are in a small space, so not everyone gets to do this.



What I really love about being on set is watching how everything comes together. The best way to describe the experience is a bit of waiting around with periods of insanity and moments of intensity. The waiting time is usually for one department to finish their set up. This could be the communication with the actors, costume, make-up, lighting, set design, special effects, camera, the list goes on. All these departments have to work together to get the job done. Periods of insanity include the times when we are under time constraints and everyone is running around doing their jobs to get a scene ready. There is yelling, people on walkies, orders being shouted- it's wonderful. haha. Moments of intensity are during the actual shots or at the climax of those periods of insanity. One thing that I learned long ago is to not take things personal. If you are on set, chances are you will be yelled at. Not because people hate you, but because everyone is under pressure to get things done fast. Time is money.



One thing I don't like is when people either do your job whether you want them to or not or let their title get to them. I may not have a ton of experience on sets, but I can be just as valuable. Every once and awhile you get someone who treats you like a nobody. They think they are more important than other people. You also get people who complain about being asked to do something because they feel is is "below them" since they have a higher title. I know that I should expect this in the industry, but not as a student. If everyone just pitches in and has a good attitude it is a ton of fun and things get accomplished.

Anyway, I've been kind of out of touch with people because I've spent so much of my time on this so I thought you all might want a little more info on what it is I am doing. That's all.

FILM

So I had this assignment in my cinematography class to take pictures of "interesting" lighting. We were supposed to shoot on 35mm slide film.



If you don't know what that is, it is what our grandparents would sometimes project. You load the film just like any other 35mm film. But instead of it becoming a negative... it is opposite. Positive? I guess. Anyway, when you get it processed it is put into these slides. I was kind of sad because this is much more expensive to do than your normal film. However, it helped me remember the magic in film.



With digital cameras you see exactly what you got. With a 35mm camera you guess what exposure would make for the best shot. You can preview the depth of field and stuff, but you really don't know what you got until you make prints. Well, with slide film, you don't make prints (you can if you want... it just costs more $$$). So, you can scan the slides in digitally (which I did), but even this makes you doubt if it is the real image. You don't really know until it is projected directly off the slide. I still haven't seen my slides projected, but I am excited to see them after being able to preview them digitally.

The picture above it my favorite. I was walking down the stairs from the parking lot of the Bean Museum towards campus when I noticed how the sunlight was hitting this bench. None of my photos were staged, no special lighting used. I just really like this picture. I wish there was a dark red rose or something on the bench in that spot.



The other thing I was re-awakened to was the texture of film. I love it! I like the graininess of it. It feels more earthy and alive to me. Don't get me wrong... I'm not a digi-hater. There is definitely something to be said about digital. For one, it is so much cheaper!

But with film you come across more "happy accidents" I think. For example, you may notice something strange about the picture above. "EXIT" is kind of messed up. Well, it wasn't really like that, but I accidentally loaded the slide wrong when I scanned it and I really liked it so I didn't bother changing it. The "T" is the only letter that looks wrong when flipped over.

The assignment helped me appreciate my 35mm SLR camera more though. I haven't used it a whole lot, and I really should. I always wished I had a digital SLR and would have happily traded away my camera. Not anymore!



My camera :)

Are you serious?

Okay, so BYU is issuing new id cards to everyone. Obviously, this is a large undertaking. So, they have assigned dates for people to re-take pictures and get new cards. So I go in today and the first thing they ask is "did you shave this morning?" I answer truthfully- "No." Then she goes on to explain how they have a disposable razor and shaving cream I can use, or I can come back another time. I felt kind of like a jerk, but I was so astonished I said "No" and started walking away shaking my head before she even finished explaining. I could not believe it! I don't shave every day because I don't need to. I don't grow facial hair very fast. If you saw me today, you wouldn't have noticed facial hair at all! I was sort of angry, but mostly just blown away. Besides, I rarely ever shave in the morning. I shave at night after a shower. BAH!